The Real Silent Service Code

How has your week been? It's a pleasure to be in touch with you. 

Writing has always been an underrated activity in my view, handwritten letters in particular. I can't handwrite this newsletter, but do know that it enthrals me all the same.

Parking your napkin

This week, I touched upon a topic of huge international debate and controversy – where to place your napkin at the end of a meal. The palace has not yet prepared a statement, but let me reiterate the basic point when it comes to the silent service code.

For any meal of any size, napkins are placed on your lap (never down the collar).

If you must excuse yourself to visit the lavatory (a detail you don't need to announce by the way) then your napkin goes on your chair to signal that you are returning.

At the end of a meal, you take the napkin off your lap, do your final dab if necessary, and place it on your left in a little pile. No need to fold it back into any specific shape, other than a neat flute.

Why does the silent service code matter?

Good etiquette is practical.

Imagine being half way through your beef wellington only for you to return from the loo to find the plate taken away because the servers thought you had done a runner.

What you do with your dining accoutrements is a way to signal to servers when they can do their job.

Image courtesy of Myka Meier of Beaumont Etiquette.

Dining is but a medieval dance

Before restaurants hit the masses, the closest thing to what we would regard as proper dining were the banquets royalty enjoyed in centuries past. 

Servers would always be on hand ready take away plates and cutlery when it was time, lest the rhythm of dining be spoilt.

The exact same is true in modern dining. In fact, do you notice the white napery over the shoulder of servers? You can still see the same custom adhered to by French servers with the napkin over the arm.

Banquet Given by Charles V in Honour of His Uncle Emperor Charles IV in 1378, from the Grandes Chroniques de France.

Is the same true for cutlery?

Yes, and before I expand, if you see any diagrams like the one below, which may go viral, completely ignore it because it is utter nonsense.

The only cutlery positions you ought to know are resting (fork tines crossing over the knife), and finished (all cutlery at a 12 o'clock position, if you're in the UK).

Check out Just Good Manners for a more comprehensive guide and international alternatives.

In conclusion

The great benefit of such a 'silent' service code is that, like royalty, you too can dine in splendour and efficiency. 

Do you think it's a pain when you have to lean back, look up, or raise your hand to get a server's attention? I do.

Of course, the attentiveness of the server is key since that is their job, but you can make it easier for them by adopting these correct signals, which in turn makes the experience easier and more enjoyable for you.

Everybody helps everybody. That's what etiquette is all about.

Have a splendid week ahead,

William