Etiquette and good manners are needed more than ever. You can’t scroll through a news app or swipe on social media without seeing someone attacking someone else, being discourteous or not doing the right thing.

Culprits will argue that civility is no longer relevant, and that we are now in a totally different world where anything goes. Personal choice and freedom have, they say, replaced the need for observing the little courtesies and pleasantries. It’s dog-eat-dog.

But I contend that the people who make this argument are (badly) trying to disguise their own ignorance of the rules and accepted norms.

Manners are not so much about strict 'rules', but more about principles. I believe that contemporary British etiquette is rooted in six key principles.

1. Humility

True humility is not merely the absence of arrogance but a refined expression of self-awareness – a knowing understatement that elevates the collective comfort over individual accolades. It is this artful modesty that oils the gears of our social machinery, ensuring that interactions are marked not by brash self-promotion but by a gracious, understated acknowledgement of one’s own place and achievements.

For example, there is something very satisfying about the quiet confidence of knowing that you are right about something but not announcing it to everyone with bombastic conviction.

2. Hospitality

While Louis XIV may have devised his rules to prevent people from getting above their station, and to quash any potential revolution, in the hundreds of years since then, etiquette has evolved to include all people wherever possible.

Our hospitality is not merely by accident but by design – shaped by centuries of interaction, integration and influence from across the globe. The British Isles have always been a crossroads of civilisations, ideas and peoples, each leaving an indelible mark on the country’s culture, cuisine and character – like the houseguest that leaves a mark on the herringbone wood block, but in these instances, a more palatable one.

3. Rank

Britain is not a new country, and therefore is one consumed by titles; many historic, others meaningless. Brits will usually defer to rank, even if less subserviently than our ancestors would.

Many forget that when we bow or curtsy to the monarch, we are not genuflecting because that person is any better than us. We are acknowledging that they hold the most important office – and in this instance, we are respecting the office, not the person. Although we may well respect the person, too.

*Catherine, Princess of Wales showing deference by curtsying to Queen Elizabeth II.*

4. Patience

Queueing is a quintessentially British phenomenon, however hackneyed, that epitomises the key mannerly virtue of patience. Whether waiting for public transport, at the supermarket checkout or in receiving lines at weddings, Britons exhibit remarkable patience, respecting the principle of ‘first come, first served’. Break that rule at your peril.

5. Passive aggression

When Brits say ‘With all due respect’, we are not actually giving any respect beyond paying lip service to the notion. What we Brits actually mean is: ‘You are a complete nit, but we understand, as humans in a civilised society, that we can’t just say that.’ This passive aggression only really comes out in our manners when the other person fails to be as courteous as we strive to be. If everyone were as courteous and considerate as they are meant to be, we would not have to flex our pass-ag muscles.

6. Humour

Finally, a key value of British good manners is having a sense of humour. We may be fiercely protective, but we can laugh at ourselves and the etiquette we have created. There is a danger that those not acclimatised to Britain think we are taking it all deathly seriously. Often, we are not.

But while we believe that respect, tolerance, humility, inclusion, good humour and patience are all needed, and that no one is exempt from displaying common courtesy, we are aware that at times there are things of greater importance than whether the cream goes first or last on a scone.

*If you enjoyed this newsletter, you may or may not have realised it is an abridged extract from 'Just Good Manners', which is available in all formats below.

Do you agree with my list? Have I missed anything you think should be added to these fine principles?

I'm looking forward to speaking to you next week. Luckily, Halloween will be over by then.

Have a lovely Sunday,

William

6 Key Principles Of British Etiquette